We pass each other in the lunchroom. Again he gives me that unnerving confused look, that one you make when you’re lost in thought but trying not to show it. Was it his look that was unnerving, or was that how I felt about him? Something always seemed off about him, other.
If you accept that otherkin is a spiritual matter it opens up a lot of interesting possibilities. The intersection of otherkin and magic and psychic phenomena. The simplest of these is probably Kin-dar. We stole and adapted the term from gay-dar, and mean a similar thing, but about spirit type, not sexuality.
If otherkin is a matter of soul, and people have the ability to perceive things behind the veil, then it reasons that those sensitive people out there might be able to tell when someone is otherkin.
Kin-dar is that individual experience of sensing that someone else is kin. It can range from hard to define “something is off” to more clear “he feels like sidhe.” I don’t see kin-dar mentioned a lot anymore, I think it’s part of the problem with how the community is going, which is another article for another time if I’m allowed to post it. When I was awakening it we talked about a lot, we shared stories and techniques and talked about it. Now we seem to ignore it as a lived reality for many of us.
“It makes no sense that you can sense people who aren’t like you.”
Wrong.
It makes sense that you would be able to sense more strongly someone who is the same or similar kin type as you. I wouldn’t say limited to that. For me it’s like a discordant note in a chord. Most people are a harmonious chord, but to me otherkin often have a note offkey. You’re expecting a D# but you hear an E, you’re expecting a human spirit but you find something else. You’re not necessarily picking up what they are, just that there is a discordance between body and spirit. Kin-dar isn’t based upon an ability to tell what someone is. It’s more picking up on something that lets you know something is off. Something is other.
When I was first awakening I had good kin-dar, but it was almost always vague. I knew someone was something, but I couldn’t tell a cat from a dragon from a dryad. I remember attending pagan events in my city, and picking out people. The hardest part was trying to find a way to bring it up with people. After years in the game I wish I had some advice. It’s hard because it’s an unusual conversation, what do you say? “So, do you ever feel like you’re not human?” “Don’t you hate it when people stand in your wings?” Also even if you’re right, that person might not know yet. They might not have awakened, or have never found out that otherkin are a thing. They might not know what to think about themselves. That’s a can of worms right there let me tell you.
I was clumsy, I thought I was smooth, but I wasn’t. I’d chat with people and try to turn the conversation to spirits of different types. Belief in fae and dragons as spiritual beings. Then I’d casually pull out my otherkin star necklace and idly play with it as we spoke. It didn’t always work, but a lot of time people got the hint and we could actually talk. Other times I’d have to admit what I am, to get them to open up. They were being as cautious as I was about telling people, and not being sure if they’re reading things right.
I don’t know how kin-dar works, or how differently it works for others. But I have enough experience to tell you it does work. Also I think it is somewhat of a skill and something that grows with exposure. 10-15 years ago I couldn’t tell an elf from a shark most of the time. Since then though I’ve been to a lot of otherkin events; big and small. I’ve encountered a lot of kin at pagan/magick/psychic conferences over the years, and I’ve started to get better at identifying them. I’d say the biggest factor here is being exposed to otherkin. Enough I can start to pick up things I might have missed before. It’s not that discordant note anymore, but knowing what that offkey is, to continue that analogy.
My starting advice is to think about yourself. What makes you kin? Not like “Oh my soul is tiger,” but how that expresses. What are the areas where your human life clash against your otherness? Talk to friends about where they have this clash. If possible observe them energetically at the same time. Over time you’ll start to get a sense of that “off” feeling, that “other” note about people.
If your city has an otherkin group that you’re not a part of, join it. If possible try to arrive early, and observe people as they come in. Most otherkin groups I know of meet in public places, parks, coffee shops, and the like. If you go before anyone arrives you can observe people and start to try to read them. By being early you don’t know initially who is kin and who isn’t, which is the test of kin-dar really. When someone walks by, try to sense them, are the other or not? Then observe them, are they just a random person, or are they joining the otherkin group?
I know with the shifts in the community that in person groups are less common. A lot of otherkin are more or less isolated from the community, so it might be hard to get the practice in.
If you can, go out, explore, join groups, and test yourself. With enough experience you might become confident enough in your abilities to try talking with people to see if you’re right.
